I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
