Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You ruined the universe
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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