Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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