At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
