remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
