I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
