Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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