i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
