She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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