what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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