apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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