Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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