Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
