never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
