just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
