Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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