there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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