Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
