I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had sex on a roof
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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