someone threw a dead crab at me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's blow job season.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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