I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
