sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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