you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
