I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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