Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize