i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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