I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
