I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
