Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
