i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In America we eat man semen.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
