Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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