everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
