Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
