were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
