she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
