Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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