Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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