Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
