You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
