Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you had me at cake vodka
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
