hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
