It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
