That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I AM VODKA MAN
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
