??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
