I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
