Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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