When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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