All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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