not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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