dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
