am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you never un-have a 4some
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
