I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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