if you like me you must not know who I am
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
