just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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