apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
