So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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