Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
