Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
