you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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