she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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