i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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