You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
