i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
